You Are “bad Mothers ” Because You Are Real Mothers

Many women are subjected to ruthless pressure: they have many facets and responsibilities, and in all of them they must perform at their best. Among these responsibilities is the one that defines them as mothers: raising their children precisely. On the other hand, in their role as mothers many times it is up to them to play the part of the bad guys, because they impose rules or because they don’t give in to the whims of their children. In this sense, they are not bad mothers, but real mothers, as they take on their responsibilities.

We know that positive reinforcement works better than punishment, that some praise can damage the self-esteem of children and that a traumatic event can open a wound that is then difficult to heal. Being a mother is not easy  and, despite the amount of information we can count on, in some  more complex and contradictory aspects , mistakes are possible. Indeed, they are not only possible but they happen one after the other, as happens in any other area.

The phenomenon of “Mom shaming” which criticizes real mothers

Because of the above, a phenomenon called  “Mom shaming” has come to light which tries to remind us that real mothers who make mistakes have no reason to be bad mothers.  This phenomenon has been reinforced in particular by means of social networks, where criticizing is within everyone’s reach and where no training is required to do so.

For example,  we can recall the case of Chontel Duncan, a personal trainer who sparked a great controversy as she uploaded photos of her exercising while pregnant to her Instagram account. Many people felt that having a toned stomach and sculpted abs could put their baby’s life in jeopardy.

Likewise, singer Soraya received a storm of criticism for going out to dinner with her partner seven days after giving birth to her baby, leaving it to someone else for the occasion. After uploading the photo of this dinner that became so famous, the criticisms on social networks were not long in coming: “to me, as a mother, obviously it never even crossed my mind to go somewhere without my baby” or “If you want to continue doing whatever you want in life, don’t have children”.

This kind of criticism is a reflection of the need for some mothers to be perfect or to impose their idea of ​​perfection on others, condemning those ways of doing that, from their point of view, are questionable. These criticisms also make us reflect on the model of mother that society is making stronger. We all have certain beliefs about what it means or what it should mean to be a mother. However, does not conforming to the ideas of the majority or those of a group make you bad mothers?

This whole situation contributes to embarrassing, humiliating and making a woman feel insecure in her role as a mother. We reflect on the fact that the majority of mothers want their children to be well and want to do things in the best possible way and, with this goal, it is normal that a lot of doubts already arise.

In this context, the criticisms we refer to are like “a cold shower” that pushes it to comply with very strict rules. Because there is no perfect mother , but only a real mother, when she chooses to be and strives to be.

You are real mothers because …

The above situations are just one example of some attitudes that label a mother as bad. However, there are certain beliefs that, even if false, do not stop being widespread and, therefore, are a source of confusion and censorship against women who do not follow or support them. Let’s see some of them:

• Giving birth to your child with a caesarean and not with a natural birth makes you less of a mother.
• Not breastfeeding your baby indicates absence of maternal instinct.
• No mother really suffers from postpartum depression.
• Why have a child if you have to leave it to someone because you work?
• You are a bad mother because you leave your child in front of the TV or a tablet to be able to rest or do other things.
• If you were a good mother, you would never lose patience with your children.

As a result of all these statements with which we can identify to a greater or lesser extent, we deduce that a real mother is already a bad mother in itself. Because a real mother cannot be perfect or ideal. Because a real mother makes mistakes, makes mistakes and sometimes loses patience.

Mothers are not beings from another planet, although in many cases they may appear to be. They are ordinary and ordinary people, leading ordinary and ordinary lives. They have to work to be able to live, they need time to rest, like the rest of the people. The high expectations that society has for mothers puts pressure on them that is sometimes difficult to sustain.

If you have identified with what we have said, if at times you have had to listen to criticism because you are real mothers, do not worry, you are human. Many of the people who criticize you also lose patience or don’t have time for their children. Only you are acting as a mirror to them, which is why they unload their frustration on you: because they cannot completely conform to that role of perfect mother. So, just as it is for you, they too are capable of playing only one role: that of a real mother.