The Suffering Behind Resentment
Having feelings of grudge is natural for a human being. We have all experienced this at times, but what we must not allow is that the grudge will remain lodged in our hearts, like a poisoned arrow : the only thing it will do is hurt us, causing us even more suffering than the one that produced us. action that generated it.
We are responsible for our happiness, we have the right to be happy. Yet, happiness is a personal decision, so we have to choose whether we want to continue living immersed in negative feelings, such as resentment, or if we want to get rid of them and live happily, like an onion that, under various rotten layers, hides a pulp. still healthy.
Resentment is a feeling that can only benefit us when we generate it in the right dose and, for example, prevents us from trusting again a person who has betrayed us, unless we gain our trust again. But when we make one of our allies a grudge, letting it dominate our personality, we generate a problem that we did not have before and that usually is not easily solved. On the other hand, if it is now born within us, we must face it wisely: as if it were our enemy. He’s not a friend, and we don’t want him to be.
How does a resentful person behave?
It is possible to identify those who harbor a grudge, because they often have some of the following characteristics:
– Their main feeling is anger at the pain they feel but do not express.
– They don’t want to talk about or with the person who causes them a grudge.
– Usually addresses him or her in a curt or rude way.
– They don’t look into the eyes of the people they harbor a grudge for.
– They automatically despise any ideas or suggestions related to the people they harbor a grudge for, even though they know within themselves that it is a good idea. They prefer to pay the price of not following their advice, rather than agreeing with them.
– They turn to these people only when strictly necessary, in a few words and in a direct way.
– They manifest their resentment through non-verbal communication, activating the nervous system in the same way it would activate if they had to face danger, fight or flee.
– They mentally write down everything that they interpret as an affront, from the moment the first occurred. It is their weapon to blame everything in case that tense silence one day results in an open fight.
What are the effects of grudge on health?
The word “grudge” comes from the Latin and means “rotten”. This is already a clue that nothing that is rotten can bring anything good, so a grudge person in the first place hurts himself more than others. Grudge increases blood pressure and heart rate, producing stress and anxiety. And the latter manifest themselves through dizziness, muscle tension, a feeling of suffocation, etc.
A real negative circle, which traps us and leads us nowhere. For this we must learn to manage our emotions, using emotional intelligence, and to do without these harmful feelings for the body and mind. We have to get rid of that heavy armor that does nothing but harm us, making us unnecessarily unhappy.
How can you learn to overcome resentment?
1. First of all, by becoming aware of our grudge. If we don’t admit we have a problem, we can never get over it.
2. By learning to express our emotions, talk about what bothers us with the people to whom our grudge is directed.
3. Learning to forgive . We all make mistakes, surely you too! And we must learn to be more forgiving with others and with ourselves.
4. Learning to think positively. Sure, it’s not easy, but it’ll be worth it. If we start to change the way we think and see things differently, we will notice the results in our mind, our rest and our health. If we take things more calmly, if we begin to relativize everything a bit and turn a blind eye to certain things for our own benefit, everything will be better.
Nothing is easy, but with a little bit of effort we can help free ourselves from negative feelings such as resentment. Use your emotional intelligence, laugh, listen to the advice of a professional and start changing little by little. Most of the time, wanting is power!
