Sometimes Being Strong Is Not A Personal Choice, It’s The Only Option

Sometimes life puts stones in our pockets to get us down to the harshest reality. It is then that we are left with no other option but to be strong, put on the armor and draw the sword, act wisely and take advantage of the energy of a stainless heart. However, sooner or later integrity dies, breaks, runs out …

When we read a great classic, we know almost immediately at what moment the fatality begins to obscure the story. Reading Virgil, Shakespeare or Dickens means waiting for the moment when a crack appears that alters everything, a sore that contains and changes everything. As good readers as we are, we know in advance when the betrayal, error or tragedy will unleash.

However, in the scenario of our lives, less literary and with more artists, we rarely anticipate that the natural course of things plots revenge against us. Few can anticipate, when they advance in a straight line towards their dreams, duties or plans, that destiny has another plan: to open the trap door under our feet to whisper to us that “the time has come to wait, for now your dreams they must wait “.

No one has explained to us that they are called adversity; in fact, they presented themselves, in the first person, as teachers. Many of us have been educated with the promise that those who strive always get a reward; that if we love, care for and give importance to others, they do not abandon us; that if you trust, happiness comes.

However,  sometimes life has a compass that does not work well,  that does not mark the north, but that forces us to take the longest, hardest and most complex path … and we are left with no other option than to be strong (or at least to seem so, because fate is frightened and tired).

Yes, strong people are more likely to suffer from depression

Currently, there are many self-help books and articles on personal growth that want to teach us the 7, 8 or 12 characteristics of “strong” people. There is a misconception that weakness and vulnerability result directly in mental illness. Following this line of thought, being “mentally strong” will allow us to escape, avoid and defend ourselves from anxiety disorders or dysthymia that imprisons us and that hardly lets us go.

Each aspect has its nuances, let’s not forget: people used to being strong are the ones most exposed to the risk of suffering from depression. Think, for example, of the people who look after a sick family member.

We also think of that father or mother whose spouse has been unemployed and has many responsibilities on his shoulders, much more than the economic ones. Let us think, why not, of the many professionals who care for others and who dedicate their lives helping the less fortunate, children with problems, women who have been victims of violence …

We often struggle to continue to be strong for others, to offer the best version of ourselves and to ensure safety, effectiveness, closeness, hope and positivity. However, we do not realize that we often “act”, we play a role that we ourselves end up believing is real; without knowing that, in reality, we are betraying ourselves.

If being strong is our only option, we accept our weaknesses

We know well, in the book of our life there are epics, but also challenges that we have not asked for,  tragedies that have been given to us and tests of courage that we have been forced to accept. However, in this everyday narrative where we are often seen as heroes, because we manage to face everything and dare not complain or shed a single tear, we make a constant misspelling: we don’t take care of ourselves.

If being strong is your only option, accept weakness, because what is vulnerable does not make you weak, but rather makes you aware that you have to stop every now and then and breathe deeply. Being strong does not mean ignoring anger or contradiction, it is not forgiving ten or a hundred times what hurts us until we lose our dignity. Being strong also doesn’t mean acting hard, imposing your own perspectives to create environments in which we can exercise control over everything around us.

The only thing that makes us weak is to hide our “I” from the world. If we are concerned only with preserving our shining armor to show efficacy, strength and give the idea of ​​being able to overcome any difficulty, the unsavable distance between what “we are” and what “we show” will increase, between what “we offer And what we really “need” at a given moment.

One way to make use of that resilient key that opens the doors of our self-esteem is to reveal ourselves as genuine beings at all times. Because you can be strong, but at the same time able to ask for help when needed. Because it is no less strong who at a given moment favors the emotional release to recover strength.

In conclusion, being strong in a world where the value of vulnerability is not understood makes it difficult to foster the psychological well-being that the hero in us needs. The one who takes care of others, who at a certain moment was forced to face adversity without anyone having warned him that life, sometimes, is much harder than what the books tell us.

Images courtesy of Sofía Bonatti