Say What You Think Without Dying In Intent

Is it so difficult for you to express your opinions or feelings ? Do you think you “could have said something” long after the conversation ended? Have you realized that you have a hard time saying no to someone?

So, dear readers, what you are missing is a little assertiveness. You may never have heard of it, but there is always a first time for everything!

Assertiveness is a way in which you can communicate and express what you feel or believe, make honest suggestions and, above all, defend your rights.

For example, if a friend asks you for help painting the walls in his house over the weekend but you have to study for an exam and you still say yes, you are not using assertiveness. In this case, you should explain your situation to your friend and maybe even offer to help him, but without giving up your time, so either Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning.

Another example: you are arguing with your partner about money (one of the most common reasons) and instead of expressing your point of view, you keep quiet. When the “conversation”, which is actually a monologue, ends, you start doing something else. In that moment, your brain reacts and you realize that… you could have said so many things!

Again, assertiveness is lacking. Instead of remaining silent, the ideal would be to take the opportunity to say something, perhaps that the economic problem depends on too many expenses rather than little income, that both of you should do some economy, etc.

At this point, how can you develop assertiveness without ending up in an argument, creating problems with friends or close people? Perhaps this is precisely the problem: the fear of facing situations.

If your friend does not understand that you have other things to do instead of painting his walls all weekend, it does not mean that he is a bad person, but he cannot take advantage of your free time that you want to devote to your studio, either. eg. So, to avoid problems with your friend, promise to help him, the exam will go wrong, but at least you won’t have had an argument.

Assertiveness is also communicating one’s feelings without being carried away by emotions. In the second example, the couple arguing over money, showing assertiveness means, for example, avoiding crying when trying to say what you think or avoid screaming or getting angry to assert your point of view.

Do not expect that, by being more assertive, the problems will end because more will probably be created. However, try to remain calm, strong in the knowledge that at least you have said what you thought or felt.

The best thing is that you can practice assertiveness in any area and it can be of great help to communicate and express yourself, defend your rights, say what you think or what your opinion is on a given topic. Ultimately, being assertive gives you freedom and calm. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?

How to become more assertive?

It’s time to roll up your sleeves (or put words in your mouth) and develop this blessed assertiveness we’ve been talking about so much. Practice is always more difficult than theory (at least in most cases).

• Eliminate guilt : Negative thoughts or lack of communication can be based on guilt. “I’m a bad friend if I don’t help Luca paint his apartment”. Take a more positive point of view: “I deserve the weekend to be able to study and rest”.
• Remember that no one is able to read your mind : maybe some do, but in general they don’t. People don’t have a crystal ball in which to read what’s happening to you. The only way they can know is if you tell them.

• Defend your truth : not everything you say is absolute truth (which for many does not exist), but you are protecting what is happening to you… And it is already a lot!
• Be concrete : do not procrastinate, say the right words at the right time.

Don’t forget that assertiveness has a great effect on your self-esteem because you will show that you respect yourself. And you will be able to make others respect you too.