Loneliness Is A Good Friend
It is difficult to de-legitimize the belief that being or feeling alone is a dramatic event. Human beings are social by nature: we love being in company and feeling that we are important to someone.
Since the days of the caves, we have learned that everything became easier if we were accepted into a social group, collaborating and facing threats together; alone, in fact, there was much less chance of survival.
“Why, in general, do we flee from loneliness? Because there are few who find good company in themselves “
(Carlo Dossi)
Why are we afraid of being alone?
We are afraid of being alone because we have been carrying this load of information on our shoulders for millions of years, despite the fact that in reality the dangers we have just talked about no longer exist.
Society, education and culture have helped to reinforce some irrational beliefs about loneliness.
Who has never heard the phrase “that one will die a spinster” or “if she is 40 and single, she must have something wrong”.
It is essential to understand that the central issue is what you tell yourself. In other words, the problem is not loneliness itself, but what you tell yourself about it : how you experience it, how you interpret it and what meaning you give it.
If you think rationally, you will see that loneliness is not even real. Nowadays, we live in places full of people and we are incredibly connected with each other thanks to social networks.
Perhaps this is not enough for you and you feel alone because you live on your own or because you are single. But the problem is not this, but your way of seeing the situation, the dialogue you are having with yourself on this subject. This is what makes you anxious, depresses you, or makes you feel empty inside.
“The great torment we feel in our life comes from the fact that we are alone, and all our efforts and gestures are aimed at escaping this loneliness”.
It is clear that if you repeat to yourself a hundred times a day that being alone is terrible, that no one loves you and that you will die alone, your emotions will be very intense and you will suffer from ideas and thoughts that do not even correspond to reality.
You are your best company
People who fear loneliness feel that they are unable to face the world alone; they need someone by their side to be able to live happily. This is also false : reality proves that no one needs anyone else for anything in the world.
This lack of self-confidence and self-confidence distresses them. It often happens that individuals stay for years with someone who does them more harm than good, simply for the intense fear of being alone. They prefer to suffer rather than take a step forward and find themselves with themselves.
To behave like this is a serious mistake : learning to be alone is strictly necessary in order to grow and mature psychologically.
Knowing how to be alone means realizing that, in reality, you are your best company and that, thanks to this, you can connect with your being, have confidence in your abilities and understand that you are capable of facing life alone. .
How to manage loneliness?
Pay attention to your inner dialogue
The first step is to check the state of your inner dialogue : what does “loneliness” mean for you?
If you are telling yourself that loneliness is a terrible thing, that being alone is dangerous and that, without someone, you cannot cope with life, then you have a problem. You have to change these irrational ideas to others that are more rational and realistic.
Dare to argue with yourself, look for evidence for and against these thoughts, analyze your fears, check that you have the necessary resources to face them and understand if they are as scarce as you think.
This analysis will surprise you and you will see that your fears have no basis.
Spend time with yourself
Force yourself to spend time alone. In order to change, it is not enough to act on a mental or cognitive level, it is also necessary to do it concretely, with behavior.
Plan entire weekends in solitude, only in the company of yourself and, if you want, a book or a movie, but don’t use social networks . Go to the cinema, to the beach, to the mountains, and do it yourself. Go on an unaccompanied trip.
When you have “trained” for enough time, you will notice that you have survived peacefully, that your fears were not real and that, now that you have met your ego, you know each other better.
Relate to others
Manage your time so that you can also surround yourself with people. Loneliness is not good if it is transformed into a perennial lifestyle. Open up to the world and meet new people without prejudice.
Often you are alone because you make it so: mentally say a ” but … ” every time a person goes through your life; this happens because you do not understand that people are not perfect and that there is no one who will complete or satisfy you 100%.
Another step is to realize that there are millions of people out there who want to know you and you would do well to communicate with; to do this, however, you need to open up.
Knowing how to be alone is essential to know yourself and relate to others, never forget that. Finding good company in yourself is the basis for your well-being.
