Don’t Tear Yourself Apart To Keep The Others Whole

Very often we unravel in a thousand pieces just to be able to keep the others whole,  so as not to open new wounds or not allow those that someone else has already opened to hurt. We do it without even realizing it or, at least, without giving weight to our behavior.

However, when we get used to giving without receiving, we end up feeling that giving our care to ourselves is selfish. And instead, there is nothing more wrong. Fair trading is key in every type of relationship and for every person, as we are all emotional beings.

When do we fall apart?

• We fall apart when we stop taking care of ourselves.
• We fall apart when we avoid doing what we like.
• We fall apart when we stop cultivating ourselves as people or give up our interests.
• We fall apart in a thousand pieces when we don’t listen to each other, and we don’t help each other.
• We fall apart when we are too focused on being “perfect”, and we give up on being ourselves.
• We fall apart when we always try to please everyone, and disguise who we really are or lie about our opinion.
• We fall apart when we forget our goals and force ourselves to put the wishes of others before our own.
• We fall apart when we turn the sacrifice into an obligation.

• We fall apart when we believe we are bad people because we allow ourselves a breather from an environment that suffocates us.
• We fall apart when we give in to toxic blackmail, which only requires us to do favors and impedes our growth as people.
• We fall apart when we sacrifice our well-being and let ourselves be led by the inertia of those who accompany us, continuing to put aside all our desires in order to make others feel good.

It is complicated, of course, but for this very reason we must always pay attention to the balance between passions, care and dedication towards others and towards ourselves. If we can do it, we will live with pleasure and we will be able to contemplate our full essence, without “but” and without “if”.

Sometimes we have to forget how we feel to remember what we deserve

When we never get anything in return for our favors, we are not respecting the principle of balance that should always apply to maintain our completeness and prevent us from being torn apart.

You must remember that emotional relationships cannot be one-sided. We need a balanced and satisfying exchange, which gives us an emotional and social reward.

This means that we cannot base our interactions on “giving” alone, but we must make sure there is a balance in “receiving”. This is not synonymous with selfishness. On the contrary, it is a source of enrichment.

Only by paying attention to all this, will we be able to cultivate our personal growth, without forgetting others. It is possible, but only by keeping the two scales in perfect balance.

Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. A medal that makes us feel capable of giving love and deserving of love and recognition. This principle should enable us to:

• Asserting our rights : it can happen sometimes that something makes us feel bad or we simply do not want to do it. It is at that point that we must assert our right to a personal space.

• Cultivating our interests and passions : this is the basis of satisfaction, happiness and personal growth. It is important to never stop taking care of ourselves and feed our anxieties.

Remember that big changes always come after a big jolt. Although sometimes changing is difficult and can hurt, the improvements it will bring will make us understand that, far from being a point of arrival, that change is the starting point for a new emotional journey.

Images courtesy of Christian Schloe.