Attracted To People Who Ignore Us?

It will have happened to us several times to feel attracted to people who ignore us. Instead of dating someone who has everything in place to become our potential partner and who treats us with affection, we tend to idealize those who reject us.

The psychological effect called reactance helps us to explain why we often feel physical and mental attraction for those who are unreachable. “Reactance” is a term coined by Brehm and refers to the feeling that arises in each individual who is deprived of their freedom.

People who ignore us and reactance

Reactance usually occurs when someone is forced to accept a particular point of view. This fact creates an emotional and motivational reaction that leads to adopt the opposite point of view and also strengthens the resistance to persuasion.

Reactance can arise in many situations of daily life and is a universal phenomenon. It can appear in both children and mature, intelligent adults. In the field of romantic relationships, therefore, it is quite common to see this effect.

When we feel compelled to maintain a relationship, to love someone in particular, we can see our personal freedom threatened to some extent. However, when a person ignores us or transmits indifference to us – which is equivalent to deprivation – that motivational reaction arises that pushes us to restore freedom of choice.

The more we are deprived of the possibility of choosing an alternative, the stronger the sensation of reactance and the more we struggle to obtain it. The prohibition or deprivation of the power to be freely with someone, endows the person with a tremendously attractive aura of mystery. An unstoppable desire arises in us to “go hunting” for those who ignore us.

Feeling attracted to people who ignore us and our inner voids

Although psychological reactance is relevant in romantic or romantic relationships, our inner voids also have a great influence.

There are people who are passionate about the impossible because this addiction is entertainment, after all. The problem is that what at first is a hobby or an emotional roller coaster can end up having negative long-term consequences.

It is complicated when the goal makes us distance ourselves and makes us unplug from routine and boredom. But why does boredom become a problem? Some people feel so empty that they feel that a smooth, easy relationship is devoid of charm.

To avoid this boredom, they therefore choose a sentimental “pastime”, they become attached to a soap opera that can fill that inner void that alone cannot be filled. Usually the consequence is that if the goal is reached and the relationship evolves, what was previously a fun break becomes routine and therefore boredom.

The roller coaster in relationships

If we want a stable relationship, it is important to know that what may seem like child’s play can turn into a problem. Chasing people who ignore us may seem fun, but only at first.

In fact, it can cause a pleasant feeling of curiosity and enthusiasm that makes you addicted. The problem is that you can’t live like this forever. There comes a time in life when you have to get off the emotional roller coaster and live a normal relationship, which is much slower.

The reasons for not prolonging this game are varied. The most important is self-esteem. Being attracted to people who ignore us means rejecting those who treat us well because we have very low self-esteem.

Lacking solid self-esteem, the mind keeps repeating that we don’t deserve to receive affection. On the contrary, we deserve indifference. For every step we take to reach the person who neglects us, we take two steps back from love for ourselves.

At the same time, we lose the habit of natural emotional states, such as calm, routine or reflection. Another reason is that we are probably wasting precious time. The human being rarely becomes aware of his finite nature in order to organize his time.

Many times our way of life aspires to the fiction of immortality, letting precious time slip away. It is then that we find ourselves looking for impossible challenges that end up turning against us.