The 5 Fundamental Points Of A Good Emotional Contract

A good emotional contract is based on a genuine compromise with ourselves. If we don’t love each other, the emotional contract breaks down. If they feed us with manipulation and negativity, the emotional contract breaks down. We must learn to manage our life and the delicate universe of emotions well.

The word “contract” is to be understood as an agreement between two people who undertake to offer something and to receive something in return. However, in the emotional world this transaction is much more intimate, as well as necessary. We are talking about those fundamental agreements that we must make with ourselves to survive, to defend our dignity and fight for our happiness.

If we analyze the subject of emotional contracts, we will realize that many of us have accepted contracts based on inequality. Some of these are part of childhood. There are children who have unjustly accepted that they “are not loved”. Consequently, once they are adults, they carry around the worst compromise of all: that of not loving themselves.

In couple relationships we make implicit agreements in which, almost without realizing it, we find ourselves prisoners. We accept an emotional contract where manipulation, selfishness and contempt are lowercase clauses, which we unwittingly sign with blind love full of hope.

These are all painful and complex dimensions that must be faced with a good emotional contract that can guarantee our dignity and our full right to fight to be happy. We invite you to reflect on the 5 fundamental points of a good emotional contract.

A good emotional contract must always be respected

A good emotional contract requires first of all commitment, courage and a clear will to start being who we really are. Maybe these dimensions seem easy to us to put into practice. In reality, they are not: the points of this contract are delicate and complex.

Are the following:

1. A good emotional contract sometimes requires breaking other emotional contracts

The legacy of our family system is full of unwanted compromises that we unwittingly accept. Even if we consider our roots as a unity, as a network formed by our parents, brothers, cousins, uncles, there are aspects that we should perhaps get rid of.

We must consider that, today, we continue to obey our primitive brain. It is he who tells us that “if we leave the clan, we will not survive”.

However, it is sometimes necessary to break certain bonds or bonds. If our father, mother or other family members have established an emotional contract based on pain, fear or selfish imposition, it is time to end it.

2. We must love ourselves above all else

Self-esteem is the indelible ink that will allow us to sign the best contract: that of inner strength, self-defense, self-love.

There are many people who seem to go on, but in reality they are destroyed inside. Secretly injured. Intimately broken.

We need to take into account that if we don’t love ourselves, then we will seek support and approval from other people. You don’t have to do that. Let’s not forget that if we put our life in the hands of others, we risk losing everything and this is the worst contract we can sign in life.

Let’s love each other. Let’s love above all else. Only those who love themselves are worthy of being loved.

3. A good emotional contract requires agreements with those around us

Living means coming to terms, setting limits and harmonizing our universe with that of others. We are souls forced to live with each other, to build our happiness in common spaces, so pacts are necessary.

A good emotional contract is completed with assertiveness. We need to clarify our needs, while respecting the thoughts, wishes and values ​​of others.

A good deal is made with a sincere heart that defends itself and which at the same time is intuitive enough to choose the best option.

4. Say “yes” without fear and “no” without guilt

Self-confirmation without attacking is an attitude and behavior that we should practice every day, like those who follow a balanced diet and play sports. Saying “yes” without fear and “no” without guilt is much more than a good exercise in mental hygiene and survival.

It is part of our emotional contract, it is a fundamental compromise that will undoubtedly allow us to create more respectful environments to be much happier.

5. We don’t have to be our own enemies

We know how to recognize external predators, who harms us, who makes us vulnerable. However, we don’t always manage to identify as easily who can turn out to be a terrible enemy: ourselves.

A good emotional contract requires many elements:

• We have to accept ourselves, our strengths, our weaknesses, our virtues and every mistake we have made.

• Apologies don’t have to stop us in the place of lost dreams.

• We deserve everything we want.

• Let’s not forget that we are no better than anyone and no one is better than us.

• Let’s stop self-sabotaging, we are responsible for our lives and we have to abandon the “can’t”, “I’m not capable”, “better if I let it be”, “this is not for me”.

As you can see, the clauses of this emotional contract are not always easy to abide by. However, it is essential to sign it, it is necessary to commit to taking care of yourself and to love yourself. Doing so is not an act of selfishness, it is the lifeblood of dignity and the basis of happiness.