How Can We Be Invulnerable To Criticism?

Sometimes we can ask ourselves what are the skills that certain people have in order to pretend not to hear criticism. Can they turn off their ears when they want? Of course not! What makes them so invulnerable?

The criticisms and our thinking

The difference between people who are resistant or invulnerable to criticism and people who are sensitive to criticism is

. While people sensitive to criticism create self-talk dominated by negative thoughts that alter mood and behavior, and that destabilize self-esteem, people who are “invulnerable” to criticism rationalize and refute them when they are incorrect or not. relevant. Let’s see an example.

Marco and Luca are in the disco and want to come forward with a girl. Marco is more shy than Luca and, although they both want to talk and dance with one of the girls in the disco, the idea of ​​feeling rejected scares Marco, while if it happened to Luca, it would take him no more than ten minutes to turn his attention to a other girl. This is why Luca always goes out with more girls than Marco.

We can also see another example: Maria lives in Rome and wants to open a business to start being independent. Laura, who lives in Milan, opts for the same choice. Let’s say that even if they do not know each other and have not had contact, the conditions of the business are the same. When Maria told her partner and friends about it, they criticized her idea; so she took it as a failure, without even trying and deciding not to start her own business. The same thing happened to Laura, but she continued her idea, albeit by changing some management. A month later Laura was able to open her own business and Maria still didn’t know what to do.

What can we notice? Fear of criticism, fear of rejection or of being ridiculous is a mental issue. Luca and Laura were not destabilized because they did not interpret the criticism as a personal failure, but as a chance to try to improve. The criticism did not turn out to be a rejection of their person, as happened to Marco and Maria.

Correct and incorrect criticisms

If someone criticizes us unfairly, nothing will happen that we don’t want. We cannot feel bad about the wrong comments of others since the mistake is not ours, but theirs.

However,  the opposite may also arise, that is, someone rightly criticizes us for inappropriate action or behavior, but this need not be a cause for sadness, bitterness or distress either. Criticisms can also be constructive, so let’s accept them, reflect on them and look for alternatives or resolution strategies. Criticisms may be correct or incorrect, but it is our thinking that gives them a harmful character.

What can we do in the face of criticism?

– Have a positive attitude.

Most of the time, no one welcomes criticism with pleasure, but adopts an attitude of rejection. We usually get on the defensive and try to dismantle the arguments of others by building strong linguistic walls, most of the time ambiguous. It is very important to try to put yourself in the shoes of the other, the person who moves the criticism, that is, by empathizing, adopting a positive position. If we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, taking into account their circumstances and their worldview, perhaps we will understand their attitude better.

Being positive in the face of criticism allows us to be flexible, open to dialogue and willing to listen to others. A positive attitude is one in which the tone of voice does not rise, in which, when we do not understand something or think that we are not given all the information necessary to understand what they are telling us, we ask questions thus facilitating the understanding of both.

– Look for meeting points with criticism.

By this we refer to seeking the areas of truth of what we have been told. It is almost always possible to find a shred of truth in opposing arguments because there are also semi-correct criticisms. If we find some truth, it is right to admit it in front of the person, but if instead we understand that it is not, silence is better than a lie. By looking for meeting points, we show the other that we take his words into consideration and avoid entering into a discussion made up of criticisms and defenses.

– Express our opinion and come to a compromise.

When we express what we think, it is very important to take into account some issues, such as not being destructive towards the other. To do this, we can try not to use equivocal language and to focus on what happened. Two important factors are also avoiding labeling and admitting the possibility of being wrong, but above all thinking that we are not only the mistakes we make.

Images courtesy of: Diane Hammond