Better Results Are Obtained By Building Bridges And Not Building Walls

There is a misconception that building walls is the best solution when they have hurt us, in order to protect us from pain; building bridges that favor the initiation of new relationships seems too risky. “I have suffered too much”, we tell ourselves and we put entire armies in defense of the doors of our heart.

Of course, living with a shield and a spear in your hand is not only simpler than being vulnerable, but it is also quite practical: you avoid disappointments and disillusions, you avoid falling and being stabbed, you avoid suffering that you do not deserve. However, are you really convinced that the time has not come to put aside grudges, resentments and fears?

Perhaps you will answer “no”, thinking that others have already laughed too much at you; nevertheless, we answer “yes”: we would not be fully living beings if we did not give ourselves the possibility of meeting new people, of having different experiences, of starting new cycles  and making them end.

Relax, take a breath: there are not only sharks

When someone hurts us and hurts us, the first reaction we feel after the acceptance process is self-defense. We interrupt the relationships with the person who has hurt us and, at the same time, we put the lock on any possible emotion that can move our soul: “I will no longer suffer, because I will no longer allow anyone to enter”.

Evidently, we believe that this defense system is perfect, and that no one can tear it down. And then we wear iron armor, without realizing that we are depriving our skin of contact with the air. Without realizing that, in reality, all we do is make our wounds infected.

In other words, don’t be fooled: the damage is one way. Overprotection prevents us from enjoying life and pushes us to a state of constant alertness,  which denies us the possibility of letting go. Raising walls thus becomes an invisible cross, which follows us and persecutes us, making us think that there are only sharks in the sea.

To the courage to ask for forgiveness, respond with the strength to forgive

As much as you delude yourself into believing that arming an entire army and always keeping it ready for battle is the best thing, you are wrong: we would be nothing if we did not allow ourselves emotional contact with others. We would lose a lot if we were unable to build bridges or accept forgiveness and have the strength to forgive. Not for others, but for ourselves. Think about it for a moment: what is the use of not forgiving? Who benefits from it?

You must forgive the mistakes that others have made towards you, as this will free you from burdens that no longer matter to  you : you have new goals, new challenges, new people to meet and new experiences awaiting you. Why don’t you let it happen?

Building bridges is more difficult, but also more useful

In the title we said that better results are obtained by building bridges rather than by erecting walls, but we have not yet focused on what it means to build a bridge. During the Middle Ages, several fortresses made use of some “technological aids”, such as drawbridges, which allowed them to defend themselves: on the one hand, these allowed to protect the place of access from enemies; on the other, they favored maritime traffic and the entrance to the castle.

If we apply this metaphor to life, we will understand that it is difficult to allow enemies to enter through that bridge, after the effort to get the enemy away from our heart. Nonetheless, not doing it for too long will isolate us from the outside, fill us with insecurities and shut down our vitality. 

As often happens, the hardest things to do make us feel fuller and generate a lot of adrenaline in us. So if you believe that what you need to do is move on, build new memories, or realize that your wound has finally healed, why don’t you stop building walls and start building bridges?