What Is The Secret Of Happy Relationships?
Aren’t we we humans strange? There are people whose life resembles a long race against time: they live immersed in routine, busy with a thousand things, without free time. Others get distracted in front of the TV, connected to Facebook or surrounded by people and noise. Still others take refuge in alcohol or drugs. This chasm of doing and not being causes us to lose the essential things, which are not outside, but inside us.
We have to start with us
The loneliness can be terrible for some people, who in order to stay in the company sacrifice the quality of relationships. This fear of loneliness often reflects the fear of coming into contact with our most intimate emotions, which can be unpleasant or painful. In these cases we prefer to distract ourselves or doze off emotions using external stimuli.
However, if our emotional needs are not listened to and met, if we do not accept ourselves unconditionally, with our weaknesses and strengths, we will continue to wear a mask for life. We will pretend to be someone we are not, to seek in others the acceptance that we ourselves deny.
Human being is not an emotional zombie. Children, in fact, do not judge their emotions: they simply feel and express them. Unfortunately, during the socialization process it can happen that the child is ignored, hurt, ridiculed or mistreated. In the face of all this, the only resource he has is to bury the pain he feels in the unconscious, because the little one still depends on others to feel worthy of love and respect.
As he reaches adulthood, it is important that he take responsibility for his emotional health and that he is concerned with healing his wounds and satisfying the shortcomings of the child within him . If he doesn’t, he will live with an internal emptiness that he will try in vain to fill through superficial relationships.
The vase must overflow
Our main task, therefore, is to learn to see, love and value what we have most precious: our essence. As we learn to love ourselves, the desire to share our love with others will also increase, because true love is expansive by nature. This wave is unstoppable and it is therefore inevitable to feel the desire to share love with others; not to fill a void and wearing a mask, but with fullness and authenticity.
The raison d’être of a relationship is to learn, grow, love, have fun and enjoy each other’s company. Ultimately, our true mission in this world is to expand our ability to love, both ourselves and others. When we understand this and live according to this mission, we discover that loving sincerely and unconditionally is the greatest treasure we can find.
There are no luxuries, pleasures, successes, possessions, or riches that can replace the fullness that true unconditional love produces. But we must start by loving and respecting each other in the first person. Loving oneself gives each member of the couple the security and trust that is usually sought in the other. In this way, instead of trying to get the love of the other, or even demanding it, you will share the love you feel for yourself with your partner. Ironically, you will be giving the other what you have always wanted from him, but previously were unable to give.
Self-abandonment and self-rejection are among the main causes of a couple’s failure, and learning to truly love each other can help build a solid relationship. There is nothing in the world more wonderful than love, but you cannot give what you don’t have. Until we learn to love ourselves, we cannot love others.
